I am saying it again for both of us

I am sorry goodbye, good bye

Well shit,

We said goodbye but I am not sure you got it.

You asked me again why I was leaving, and for where, and if I was coming back.

You asked me why I could not stay and continue with you still.

You know I can't but you don't really hear me, you don't really listen to why.

Maybe I am not convincing, maybe I do not really know myself.

Maybe I am not ready, and maybe you can see that through my poor excuse of a reason.

Maybe you know that "I have to" is linked to conventionality and rules, but that possibility still looms in the air if the door is kicked hard enough.

I am sorry sorry sorry so sorry and I wish this was not it.

I wish wish wish so hard that I could do more, be more, bring more hope into your life.

I just hope hope so hard, so badly, so deeply that you will be able to come through this all.

Please be strong and trust that the good moments of your life can happen again, in new ways.

You don't need me, not the real me, but the other "me"s out there with hope and love.

So I mean goodbye, goodbye, this is it, it has to be, it has to end, good bye, a very good bye.

I am waving in my heart, a ridiculous Vanna White, pageant queen wave of dreams to come.

I am watching you drift away, or maybe more likely, I watch you on the shore as I float on.

But I am waving, and wishing, and hoping, and believing to you, in you, for you.

Goodbye.

I will miss you so much.

You will not be forgotten.

I will cry for this, for you, for me.

A loss not taken lightly.

We will be okay.

We will.