Scarred and Sewn

 Cleavage

A litany of curse words stay curled on my tongue

How long have I been this warped

A slow burn cleaving in my chest

And now the scars have seethed right through 

I can't keep it all to myself anymore

Some of it yes, but much of it runs wild

Commanding itself out of me,

 Like hallucinations of the heart

Twenty years from when you left me

A little more, but who's counting

I have tried to repair the wounds

Keep them at bay, wrapped up safely

But I stay split, padding but not filling the space

Who can truly see me and love me wholly

Who can I allow to enter, fully inhabiting me

A terrifying plea if I ever knew one

And now, feeling more a scarecrow than ever

Stitched and repaired and resisting refinement 

Cowardly, although that's not my role to play

I scare others away with intensity and hope

And a little bit of hate, because I am black and blue

And red all over, red and read

You will not come back no matter the bargaining

And so no one gets to win.

Return to the start

 Little One.

Did you know..

The wide blue is open and endless

So dream on little one, dream on

Things won’t always go your way

You will fall down, and it will rain

But dream on little one, dream on

Your favorites will come and go

Your clothes will wear out as you grow

But dream on little one, dream on

Not everything will bend or break

And so much of life is what you make

So dream on, Little One, dream on

Did you know...

The Sky is the limit

So dream on

Now you see me...

Tag.

I wear my darkness on the inside,

In the name of safety.

What if…I let it slip to like a scarf or a glove, not a cloak?

What if…I were to have faith that you could see it, allow it, not fix it?

I make a quiet prayer to be seen inside out. 

Back to Myself

Reawakened

Years this pen lay still, awash in silty dust and dormant ambitions.

But perhaps it is truly my life blood, from finger tips to the end of the utensil.

Here is the crossroad of life and death, practical numbness and irrational livelihood

I think it is this juncture that is truest for me, a place to both look back and look forward.

A creature between, always been an innocent and an old soul, an overtrusting cynic.

But my blood has run cold, and I fear it will be the end of me.

Prick the flesh, and let the oxygen in, cleanse the toxins out

Let red cells pool and pulse and pump out the complacency,

And pump through the very marrows of my bones the bitter salve of life.

An unstructured response to loved/loving

In Loving

The moment we promise ourself to another is revealed as a gilded braid

Golden with desire and twisted up

On The Wall I read such pure decisive proclamations about the ones you love

Straight lines and paper white

But what if my love doesn't feel so completely clean?

What if my love is muddy and thick

and rich and deep and of the earth?

I love you and yet I search for the nice crisp seams others sing from online personas and trashy magazines

Should I look more? I ask myself

As the road forks do I stay the path or veer off?

My heart aches to imagine other

The line we walk when letting others into the beating blood chambers within is fine

Fragile and sharp like glass

Small perfect slits are not the kind of precise lines I crave

For now I choose to sit in the muck, weighing my love and my discontent

Like interlocking tresses gathered between my fingers

(Un)Fair Exchange

You've Got to Give to Get
(an insensitive sentiment, or simply the circle of life)

She died from impact
Or so I have heard
Her sister a broken
Unraveling bird

But in a cold nest
Something had stirred
Her sister now awed
An egg had occurred

A life for a life
This trade was assured
Her sister expecting
Her grieving interred

An unwanted gift
If twisting the word
Brought forth to her sister
From two, now a third

How does your garden grow?

Miss Contrary

You miss the point in all of this
Meaning devoid of meaning
The cosmic joke of jokes
How sad you sit waiting for bad

You are bent for self fulfillment
Rightness led to righteousness
Fuck it before you're fucked
How cruel to think you're a fool

Every door closed, not one more
Lonesome from being alone
Promises promises
How sure you are there is no cure

Stop clipping your own wings in vain
Seek the good alongside the pain

Perhaps dark, a raven, a rook, a crow,
Yet still able to fly, able to grow

Let yourself be wrong.